Archive for Problem

V is for Vacation

Posted in All, Miscellaneous with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 15, 2010 by marushiadark

“Everybody needs a little time away … from each other.  Even lover’s need a holiday, far away from each other.” ~ Chicago, Hard to Say I’m Sorry.

Some of you may be wondering where I’ve been and what I’ve been up to this past month, why I haven’t been posting on my blog.  Truth is, I needed a little time to think things through and sort some things out in my life, so I took a little vacation from my blog.

I think I’ve cleared up enough that I can return to writing here, at least on a part-time basis.  I will try to write everyday, but will no longer beat myself over the head for not doing it religiously.

People often expect their leaders, teachers, and counselors to be on level above that of human beings – to be perfect in all things and to have all the answers.  That may be helpful for a time.  But one thing I’ve learned in my time away is that it’s often more important to see such persons as being human.  Being just as fallible as the rest of us.

I’ve always thought of Christ as being one of my mentors.  Reading the Biblical tales and watching movies about his life are good ways to learn, but I think for many of us, it puts him at a place beyond us, as though we were trying to ask advice from Superman or Dr. Manhattan.  Watching movies like The Last Temptation of Christ, however, I think bring a greater degree of comfort because it shows a human being with human problems that we can relate to.

Seeing a human being suffer and struggle through and overcome his or her problems is a lot more valuable, I think, and a lot more credible than if that same advice came from a completely perfect being.  It lets us know that someone else was once like us, in our very position, and managed to survive.  They found a way, and so can we, which gives us just a bit more hope.

My life’s been like a sign wave lately, going up and down, with the highs and lows becoming more frequent and in greater amplitude.  If this trend keeps up, I will either crash and burn or fly into orbit.  Which of those happens is a matter of how much inner strength I have.  But I think I can safely say the roller coaster ride is over and I’m starting to level off now.  I’ll find another way to get to space.

I’d like to be able to tell you everything that’s happened to me in the last month, but I couldn’t even record a fraction of it all in my journal, and I write in that thing a lot more than I did in any of my articles.

Suffice to say, I needed a break and I got one and now I’m back.  I think everyone should take a rest every now and then.  A human being is subject to all the laws of nature, after all, and among those are the laws that govern pressure.  If you allow the pressure to build up without release, you will inevitably explode and do some damage, whether to yourself or to someone else.  Better to release that energy before it gets to be too much.  Anyone who’s tried to boil water in a lidded pot should understand the analogy.

Would that we all had padded, sound-proof rooms where we could go and let out feral screams and slam the walls and throw shit into them without fear of judgment or repercussion.  To take a bat to a piece of glass or a hammer to a sheet of drywall and not have to worry about fixing it later or paying for the damages.  Maybe someone out to invent a place like that.  Convert a psyche ward into a ventilation facility and charge a small admission fee so people could come in, vent their inner emotions, and then leave.  That sounds a lot more helpful than any drug, I’d say.

Imagine taking out your anger at yourself and others in a controlled environment.  You get all the benefits of catharsis without the mess.  The world would certainly feel a lot less stressed if we had places like that.  And it’d be cheaper than taking a week off from work.

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Venenum Veritas

Posted in All, Miscellaneous, Psychology with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 30, 2010 by marushiadark

“Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows.” ~ David Wolf, astronaut

There’s an old saying that I’ve often taken as my own personal motto.  It goes, “Expect the worst, hope for the best.”  I’ve always felt it to be very pragmatic because if the worst ever happens, you’ll be prepared for it and not caught off-guard.  Conversely, if anything other than the worst case scenario happens, you will be pleasantly surprised.  So it would seem that, by following such a logical strategy as that, you would be very well off, no?

Lately, I’m no longer so sure.

I’ve always been a very analytically-minded person.  And while it’s often good to have a back-up plan just in case things go wrong, such has left me carrying a lot of worry around, most of it needless. As the Dalai Lama says, “If a problem can be solved, there is no use worrying about it.  If it can’t be solved, worrying will do no good.”

Cynicism has also made me a very untrusting person.  Some people have told me that’s a good thing, since few are exactly who they claim to be and few are worthy of trust.  Others have said that, in continuing to think along those lines, I will continue to create only what’s on my mind, and what’s on my mind is often cynicism; so my world will seek to placate those thoughts.

I know where it comes from.  It comes from being a student of the truth and always wishing to know that which is true and correct, but at the same time having been lied to and deceived so many times in my life.  Not all of it was intentional, a lot of it was reaction to mental aberrations (actually, all lying is the result of mental aberrations), and a lot of it also comes from my own failings – my own pains and misunderstandings.  If nothing else, it’s very paradoxical.  At times, it is a great burden to carry the truth, especially when others aren’t there to help support you.

Sometimes, I find myself wishing I could go back to that naive little child where everything was perfect and I was always happy.  Yet there are other times where I feel like I wouldn’t trade who I am now for a hundred years of happiness if it meant giving up the truth, because I know I am much freer now and in greater control of the world around me, which in itself brings happiness sometimes.

The truth is a powerfully addictive drug.  The more you learn, the more you can’t help but continue learning.  The more you know, the more you become aware of just how little you actually know in comparison to the sum of all things that can be known; and this newly discovered level of ignorance just spurs the desire to learn that much more.

Many addicts will tell you that, initially, their drug of choice induces a natural high.  But after a while, it becomes customary and routine, so the person falls out of that euphoria into a deep trench and needs a greater dose to reach the same feeling of high as before.  This, of course, creates an escalation in which the highs get higher and the lows get lower.  The sine wave of ups and downs begins to grow in amplitude, but to what extent?  Are we to simply not learn anything at all and be content in our ignorance or is it worth the pains to climb the mountain of knowledge?  Is it worth it to build wings of wax and fly towards the sun, even with the full knowledge that our efforts were in vain from the very beginning and that we’re destined to plummet back into the sea?

Do we simply build better wings?  The better our wings, the higher we soar, but the farther we also have to plummet back down.  Is such a thing worth it?  I think that’s a choice that every man or woman must come to terms with at some point in their lives.  Personally, I like flying, so I’d rather learn to fly than be stuck in the ground.  Being stuck isn’t any fun at all.

Without that feeling of high, you might as well just be a robot and live forever.  I think that idealism is the high and cynicism the low when it comes to knowing things.

One time, I got a fortune cookie fortune that simply said “Don’t give into cynicism.”  What if Kennedy had given into cynicism?  We might not have gone into space and the world would be a totally different place than it is today.  Maybe if we learn enough, and if our wings are constructed well enough, we ourselves will reach into outer space where gravity effects us less, and from there we’ll have laid the foundation for soaring toward the stars, metaphorically speaking.