Archive for intention

One-Month Anniversary

Posted in All, Miscellaneous with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 4, 2010 by marushiadark

“It’s not about me.  It’s not about you, either.  It’s about legacy, the legacy left behind for future generations.” ~ Tony Stark

This post marks the one-month anniversary of The Darkness Files.  I have successfully completed thirty days worth of consecutive posts, and it was anything but easy.

When I started this blog, I told myself I was going to stick to doing one post per day, no more, no less.  At first, I was really excited and gung-ho and I thought I could write three or four posts per day without stopping.  Now I find it’s becoming more difficult to just do one.  On occasion, I’ve found myself squeaking one in before midnight, or publishing it to get the time stamp and then going back and editing it.  I don’t know if that’s, in the strictest sense of the words, integral or ethical or honest, but I do like symmetry and I could think of no better way for me to make sure I had, indeed, done a full set of thirty.

Part of the reason it’s been so difficult for me to come up with material is that I don’t yet have much of an audience to provide me with feedback and encouragement.  Part of it’s also because my intentions for this blog have changed considerably since when I first started it.

At first, I wanted to use this blog as a way of educating the world about the New World Order, beginning from the ground up.  But there are a lot of great speakers and researchers who have done a far better job of that than I ever could, and I felt as though all I’d really be doing is pointing to them and saying, “Hey, here’s some information, go and look at that,” without being able to provide much of my own opinion on the matter.

I wondered if maybe this blog could perhaps serve as a central hub for that sort of information, drawing insight and wisdom from a great many disparate sources; but those sights exist too, and are far older, more widespread, and better researched than mine, and have much larger followings to boot.

As for myself, I hope to leave behind a legacy someday that will change the world for the better, but I don’t feel as though my life is interesting enough that I could blog about such things on a daily basis.

But maybe I’m wrong.  Maybe there are some of you reading this who enjoy what I have to write about.  I don’t know.  It’s just that, a lot of the experiences I have that people might think are interesting just seem like ordinary occurrences to me now.

I don’t consider myself to be a very imaginative or creative writer.  I just write about what I know and these are the things that I know and have experienced.  I hope that’s enough and that someone finds it worth their time to read, and that it may one day help them in a way that no one else could have.

There’s still a lot of stuff left to cover.  Halloween is fast approaching, as are a bunch of other holidays.  I have some more symbols to go over, as well as some more conspiracies.  And I also have a few little annecdotes that I want to share, which I feel are rather appropriate for this time of year.

So all that’s coming up.  I hope you enjoy it and are able to take away something from it.  Thanks for reading.


Venenum Veritas

Posted in All, Miscellaneous, Psychology with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 30, 2010 by marushiadark

“Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows.” ~ David Wolf, astronaut

There’s an old saying that I’ve often taken as my own personal motto.  It goes, “Expect the worst, hope for the best.”  I’ve always felt it to be very pragmatic because if the worst ever happens, you’ll be prepared for it and not caught off-guard.  Conversely, if anything other than the worst case scenario happens, you will be pleasantly surprised.  So it would seem that, by following such a logical strategy as that, you would be very well off, no?

Lately, I’m no longer so sure.

I’ve always been a very analytically-minded person.  And while it’s often good to have a back-up plan just in case things go wrong, such has left me carrying a lot of worry around, most of it needless. As the Dalai Lama says, “If a problem can be solved, there is no use worrying about it.  If it can’t be solved, worrying will do no good.”

Cynicism has also made me a very untrusting person.  Some people have told me that’s a good thing, since few are exactly who they claim to be and few are worthy of trust.  Others have said that, in continuing to think along those lines, I will continue to create only what’s on my mind, and what’s on my mind is often cynicism; so my world will seek to placate those thoughts.

I know where it comes from.  It comes from being a student of the truth and always wishing to know that which is true and correct, but at the same time having been lied to and deceived so many times in my life.  Not all of it was intentional, a lot of it was reaction to mental aberrations (actually, all lying is the result of mental aberrations), and a lot of it also comes from my own failings – my own pains and misunderstandings.  If nothing else, it’s very paradoxical.  At times, it is a great burden to carry the truth, especially when others aren’t there to help support you.

Sometimes, I find myself wishing I could go back to that naive little child where everything was perfect and I was always happy.  Yet there are other times where I feel like I wouldn’t trade who I am now for a hundred years of happiness if it meant giving up the truth, because I know I am much freer now and in greater control of the world around me, which in itself brings happiness sometimes.

The truth is a powerfully addictive drug.  The more you learn, the more you can’t help but continue learning.  The more you know, the more you become aware of just how little you actually know in comparison to the sum of all things that can be known; and this newly discovered level of ignorance just spurs the desire to learn that much more.

Many addicts will tell you that, initially, their drug of choice induces a natural high.  But after a while, it becomes customary and routine, so the person falls out of that euphoria into a deep trench and needs a greater dose to reach the same feeling of high as before.  This, of course, creates an escalation in which the highs get higher and the lows get lower.  The sine wave of ups and downs begins to grow in amplitude, but to what extent?  Are we to simply not learn anything at all and be content in our ignorance or is it worth the pains to climb the mountain of knowledge?  Is it worth it to build wings of wax and fly towards the sun, even with the full knowledge that our efforts were in vain from the very beginning and that we’re destined to plummet back into the sea?

Do we simply build better wings?  The better our wings, the higher we soar, but the farther we also have to plummet back down.  Is such a thing worth it?  I think that’s a choice that every man or woman must come to terms with at some point in their lives.  Personally, I like flying, so I’d rather learn to fly than be stuck in the ground.  Being stuck isn’t any fun at all.

Without that feeling of high, you might as well just be a robot and live forever.  I think that idealism is the high and cynicism the low when it comes to knowing things.

One time, I got a fortune cookie fortune that simply said “Don’t give into cynicism.”  What if Kennedy had given into cynicism?  We might not have gone into space and the world would be a totally different place than it is today.  Maybe if we learn enough, and if our wings are constructed well enough, we ourselves will reach into outer space where gravity effects us less, and from there we’ll have laid the foundation for soaring toward the stars, metaphorically speaking.

Who Are You Really?

Posted in All, Politics, Psychology, Spirituality with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 5, 2010 by marushiadark

“You may be wondering who I am, or why I say this.  Sit down and I will tell you a tale like none you have ever heard.” ~ Prince of Persia

At this point, you may be wondering who I am.  Who the hell am I to be telling anyone anything?  What authority do I have?  Why call myself something evil-sounding like Marushia Dark?  Why name my blog something scary-sounding like “The Darkness Files”?  Why did I chose to begin my very first post with a quote by a nihilistic villain from a movie that many people dislike in comparison to its predecessor.

No doubt, you have a lot of questions about me and my intentions, but unless you know who you are first, you can never know me, let alone my intentions or behaviors.

Maybe some of you are even sitting there judging me right now for my arrogance (which is only in your mind, by the way), but how much do you actually know about me?  Next to nothing, really … unless you happen to know me in real life.  And even then, that’s probably not even the whole story.

“They look like me, but none of them are me.” ~ I, Robot

Just from what you’ve read so far, what can you really tell about me?  Am I male or female?  Am I black or am I white?  Am I Hispanic or Native American?  Am I straight or am I gay?  Could I be bisexual or asexual?  Am I even a human being?  Could I possibly be an alien or a computer program?  Could I be an angel or a demon?  Am I a good person or a bad person?  Am I wealthy or poor?  What color is my hair?  What color are my eyes?  What kind of car do I drive?  What foods do I eat? What country do I hail from?  Am I an Arab?  A Jew?  A Christian?  A Muslim?  A Buddhist?  Am I a dog-lover or a cat-lover?  What kind of clothes do I wear?

You can’t tell any of that stuff, can you?  All you see is my avatar – a symbol that represents me – be it a name or a picture or even my physical body.  But you don’t see or know the real me, do you?

For all you can tell, I could be the very sort of person that you love or the very sort of person that you hate.  Throughout this blog, you’ll continue to catch glimpses of my beliefs and my behaviors, my likes and my dislikes, but none of them are me.  They’re just things that describe me, but they don’t necessarily define me.  Only I can define me.

“I don’t see color.  People tell me I’m white and I believe them.” ~ Stephen Colbert

Do you know who you are?  I mean, do you really know?  Do you know all the ins and outs of what makes you you and not somebody else?  Did you come to conclude this yourself or is it something that someone else told you and you simply accepted it without questioning it first to see if it was really true?

You might say you are this, that, or the other thing.  You might say you’re a fireman or a nurse or a father or middle class or American, but these are all titles – things that describe you, but none of them are you.  Most of them were given to you by somebody else, including the name your parents gave you at birth.  Most people have never even stopped to ask themselves, “Am I Steve?  Am I Helen?  I don’t think that name suits me very much.  I like Jim or Denise better.  It has a better resonance with who I really am.”  Who says Jim can’t be a girl’s name or Denise a boy’s name, anyway?

It’s become almost a New Age cliche to ask the question: “Who am I?”  But it’s a very important question.  How quick we are to identify with things that merely describe us and how we forget who we really are.  Who we are and why we’re here sets the stage for everything we do in life.  Or rather, who we think we are and why we think we’re here is what actually sets that stage.  If we think of ourselves as a slave, we act in a slave-like mentality.  If we think of ourselves as a free man, then we act that way as well.  If we think of ourselves as poor, or rich, or healthy, or sickly, or whatever, then we tailor our actions and behaviors and attitudes towards that particular identity.  How we think of ourselves determines what actions we will take, what clothes we will wear (if any), what foods we will eat, what vehicle we will use, how we’ll wear our hair, who are friends will be, what beliefs we hold, and so forth.

“I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.” ~ Martin Luther King

Often times, we construct evaluations based on the titles that we use to describe ourselves.  We judge certain groups of people as good or bad based on an adjective, rather than an action, and this has caused a great many problems for our world.  How many times have you heard about one group of people killing a different group of people over some sort of generalization?

Perhaps the idea has special meaning to you.  Maybe you’re thinking of the relationship between white man and Native Americans.  Maybe you’re thinking of the Crusades or the conflict in the Middle East.  Maybe you’re thinking of modern examples of racial profiling or the division between the wealthy elite and the working poor.  Chances are, we can all think of an example.  Maybe you’re even guilty of doing it yourself?

Now stop and ask yourself, what is the real difference between these people?  Why do you hate them so much?  Is it because they did something to hurt someone else, or is it because of some title or description given to them?  Does that title reflect the full extent of who they are?  Probably not.

Consider how, in the recent history of America, it was popular to be racist against Irishmen and Germans.  Nowadays, I bet most people couldn’t even tell the difference.  They’d probably just see white guy, white guy, white guy.  And how many of us use the term “African American” for dark-skinned Puerto Ricans or black people in Europe, when the terms have nothing to do with them?  How great it would be to get to the point where we just start seeing human beings.  Or better still, to not even need to rely on physical descriptions to define who a person is.

Our society places great emphasis on diversity: we must acknowledge and call attention to the differences between us.  But I think that is a mistake.  Rather than calling attention to our differences, we should call attention to our similarities and those things that make us the same.  Appreciate and respect the differences that exist, certainly, but don’t dote on them, because life is much more than just one or two adjectives.

“Who are you really?” ~ Atreyu, to G’mork

Fortunately or unfortunately, I cannot tell you who you are.  Only you can know that.  You’ve known yourself your whole life; certainly longer, and in more detail, than I or anyone else could ever know you for.  For some of you, that may be twenty years.  For some of you, fifty.  For some, even longer than that.  If you don’t know who you are, then how can you know who anyone else is?

One way that I’ve learned to help figure out who I am is by keeping a personal journal and writing in it almost everyday.  It’s useful for solving whatever problems I may be having and I can say whatever I want in it without fear of repercussions because I’m the only one who ever has to know what I wrote.  A journal won’t judge you.  A journal won’t lie to you.  A journal is like a mirror, reflecting your true self.  If you lie to yourself, if you hide something from yourself, then your journal will reflect that right back at you.  If some part of your character is ugly, it will reflect that.  If some part of your character is beautiful, it will reflect that too.  Your journal is like your very own magic mirror gate from The Never Ending Story.  Whoever, whatever you are, if you write it down, you’ll be able to tell exactly what you really look like on the inside.

Just as with a regular mirror, if you work on yourself, your reflection will reflect that.  If you’re growing fatter or slimmer, taller or shorter, the mirror will show you what’s really going on.  In the same way, if you work on your own self-improvement, then your journal should reflect the change as well.

Another good way of figuring out who you are is through triangulating the relationships you have with other people and the ways in which they interact with you.  One or two people’s opinions might not matter, but if it comes from a lot of people that care about you and whom you trust to know you well, then chances are, it’s more accurate.  Unlike a journal, sometimes people lie or exaggerate the truth and we aren’t always so forthcoming with other people out of fear they might not understand us completely, but unlike a journal, you can establish an emotional connection with people to determine whether or not you like the sort of person that’s being reflected and how that person affects and influences those around you.

The eyes are the windows to the soul.  Just as you can’t see your own eyes without a mirror, so to do you require a mirror to see what your own soul looks like.  Like that Michael Jackson song, “Man in the Mirror,” says, we each need to take a good hard look at who we are in our own mirrors before we can begin to understand or improve ourselves and those around us.