Archive for Creation

History, Part 2: In the Beginning …

Posted in All, Economics, Politics, Spirituality with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 19, 2010 by marushiadark

Start at the beginning … and when you come to the end, stop.” ~ Alice in Wonderland.

History is the study of what has happened in the past.  Obviously, that is a very broad definition and covers a very long period of time (several billion years, by our most current model).  There are many different lenses through which we can view history.  We can talk about political history, economic history, geological history, astronomical history, ancient history, American history, local history, zoological history, and so on and so forth.

Learning consists of acquiring two things: information and knowledge.

The various facts, dates, names, and places that most people memorize in school are part of the information.  Making someone memorize information is generally useless.  Unlike in school, life gives no tests on your ability to regurgitate information.  If you don’t know a particular piece of information, you can simply look it up.  That’s what libraries and the internet are there for.  If you can’t retain it after looking it up, write it down.  That’s what writing and recording instruments were created for.

What’s more important is that you understand the general motivations and context to the information.  To do that, we must start at the very beginning of things and work our way up from there.

However, one could write a whole book on just the first three minutes of the universe and still not cover everything.  Heck, you could write a really big book of several thousand pages and still not cover everything.  So it should go without saying that what I write in this blog no where near reflects the totality of what can be written about history.

I do not profess to have all the answers or know everything about anything, but think of this as though we are working on a puzzle and I have some pieces that you don’t, and I have seen where some pieces fit in that others miss.

Life is a giant puzzle in which everything has its place.  Unless you are taught something patently false, like that America was discovered in the year 1983 or something to that effect, then all new information can be fitted somewhere along side previous information.  Like in a puzzle, incorporating the new with the old will give you a much clearer sense of the larger picture, with a few key pieces leading to subsequently filling in all the places in between so that the holes become smaller and smaller.

“By the word religion, I have seen the lunacy of fanatics of every denomination be called the will of God.  I’ve seen too much religion in the eyes of too many murderers.” ~ Kingdom of Heaven.

In my studies, I have developed a sort of paradigm in which everything can be explained in terms of energy.  For years, I’d used principles of economics as a metaphor for matter of the spirit and karma, and I had always sort of separated the mundane from the spiritual.  I knew that there were those who followed The Spirit and there were those who loved money.

I was familiar with concepts like “love your neighbor,” “it’s always all about the money,” “follow the money,” “the will to power,” and “the dynamic principle of existence is survival.”

It wasn’t until I started listening to Brandon Adams’ lectures, however, that I truly realized that everything throughout time and space could be seen through an economic and legal paradigm as well.  This was a truly profound revelation, and not one that I was able to accept easily.  I had many periods of cognitive dissonance while trying to digest and accept this new perspective.  But once I finally started to understand and integrate it, it brought me a degree of inner peace and knowledge that I had not felt before.  Truly, it was a marriage of the mundane and the spiritual.

I think I first understood the true implications of this paradigm while I was copying down legal definitions from the Uniform Commercial Code and Black’s Law Dictionary to use as reference.  I wanted to create a list starting at the very beginning for everyone to follow.

This lead me back through the different stages in hierarchy of law until I finally got to Natural Law.  From there, I had a profound and, at least to my knowledge, unique understanding about the phrase, “will of God.”

You see, the law of conservation is one of the very few absolute rules of the universe.  God could not create something from nothing.  If God existed all alone in the void and was all that there was, he would have to create the universe out of himself, by subdividing himself somehow, whether in his mind (like a partitioned hard-drive) or in matter (i.e. the Big Bang).

It is said that the Big Bang created space and time and that God made the heavens (void) and the earth (matter).  Both are said to be responsible for the creation of the universe and natural law.

Well, this is what I realized while my brain was still in a mode for speaking legalese.

Typically, we think of “God’s will” as being that which he wants us to do, right?  As though God were looking down on us and directing us to do this or that.  Over the centuries, many people of religious minds have claimed that this or that action was “God’s will” or that “God wills it so.”

Well, in legal terms, what is a will?  A will, or more precisely a “last will and testament,” is a document that states certain things that you wish to be carried out after your death, particularly with regards to the handling of your property.  So the phrase, “God’s will” refers to God’s last will and testament, in which he sets out the guidelines (natural law) for the managing of his property, which is the whole universe.  That was the theory I’d come up with.

And then, of course, Nietzsche would have been right in saying “God is dead,” if by his death we are referring to the moment in which God chose to stop being God and broke down into component parts in the Big Bang.

In that case, Nietzsche would also have been right to say that the dynamic principle of existence was “the will to power,” in that the components of the universe assemble and collect together, thereby becoming more powerful until ultimately the whole universe is gathered up together again in the Big Crunch, reassembling God.

The will to power relates to survival in that something increases its survival potential by gaining more power, the goal, the law of nature, of course being to survive as long as possible.  Human beings gain money, influence, technology, and knowledge because such things are forms of power that lead to increased survival and longevity, as individuals or a species.  Things like planets and stars have immense power and can survive for billions of years.  Along with the laws of causality and conservation, survival is another natural law written down in God’s will.

“If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father, who is in heaven, give good things to those who ask of him.” ~ Matthew 7:11

In forming a will, you are creating a trust fund.  A trust has several parts.  Firstly, you have the corpus or res, which is the actual property of the trust.  You have the grantor, who owns the property and puts the res into the trust.  The grantor gets to determine what happens with his or her property.  Then you have the trustee who takes care of and manages the property.  The trustee’s powers and authority are determined by the laws set down in the will of the grantor.  The trustee is the steward or custodian of the trust.  And lastly, you have the beneficiary who gets to use the property in a manner determined by the grantor and overseen by the trustee.

Sometimes, a person can fulfill more than one role in a trust, such as being a grantor-trustee, grantor-beneficiary, trustee-beneficiary, or even all three (but only if there is at least one other beneficiary).

A will typically is a special form of trust that has to do with the disbursement of one’s estate.  Generally, the estate is passed on to the children of the deceased, who are made from the essence of their parent.

In the Bible, Christ continuously refers to God as “the Father,” and says that we are “the children of God.”  He uses many metaphors and parables to describe heaven in economic terms.  He refers to heaven as a kingdom, saying it is like a field with buried treasure in it, or like a fine and valuable pearl.

In the case of the universe, God is the grantor.  God’s subdivided body and mind are the property put into the trust, which makes up the whole universe – God’s estate.  We, as beings of consciousness, are the stewards of God’s property and we are charged with taking care of the universe, maintaining it for the benefit of everyone and everything in it, including us.  The Bible tells us that the will of God – also called the Word, the Logos, the Tao, and many others – is written on the hearts of everyone.

In other words, we are each authorized and obligated to tend to the world in the way that we best see fit, so long as we are working towards the growth and survival of the universe as a whole.

“In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth.” ~ Genesis 1:1.

The death of God created the universe, for which we, God’s children, are the stewards and beneficiaries.  But before we existed, there were other forms of consciousness that existed in ways that might seem foreign to us.

In Judeo-Christian mythology, there are said to be nine (sometimes ten) different levels of angels that execute God’s will as his agents.  Among these are Seraphim, great and powerful creatures of fire (often linked with serpents).

Why would an all-powerful being need angels if he was constantly working to run the universe?

In Milton’s Paradise Lost, many of the angels in the great war that took place before humanity came to be, including Lucifer, are of this supreme class.  It’s no coincidence that Christ and Lucifer are both referred to as the morning and evening star, since the stars created this world and all the other planets.  Our sun was responsible for the creation of the earth and all life on it, including us.  The great war in Paradise Lost could in fact be a metaphor for the early formation of the cosmos by these fiery beings we know to be stars, whose actions could be seen to be chaotic and destructive, not unlike a war.

Some question the idea that stars and planets have consciousness, to which I would respond that consciousness is energy and an observer.  Stars and planets are made of such energy and can be observers according to relativity, so they could well be beings of consciousness on a level and scale that we cannot comprehend.  Either way, the stars and planets are all subject to the jurisdiction of natural law and are God’s agents in its execution.

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Persistence of Memory

Posted in All, Psychology, Science, Spirituality with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 6, 2010 by marushiadark

“God is Santa Claus for grown-ups.” ~ Unknown

People of faith often believe that, when we die, if we are good, we’ll get eternal happiness, and if we’re bad, we’ll get eternal punishment.  But does that sound fair to you?  Does that sound like the invention of an all-knowing, compassionate being?  Or does that sound more like a bedtime story you’d tell to kids?

Hey, kids, you know, if you’re really good, Santa Claus will bring you lots of presents, but if you’re bad, he’ll bring you an icky lump of coal instead.  And he can see when you are sleeping and knows when you’re awake.  In fact, he won’t even come until after you’re in bed.

You know, there’s a reason they call it eternal rest and sleeping like the dead.

It doesn’t seem right to me that God should give you an eternity of something based on the actions of a fraction of a fraction of that time.  Given all the hype about God, I think he would have more sense than that.  I mean, even our own limited and fallible human institutions know that people change over time and that reward and punishment must be in accordance with a person’s recent behavior.  For some, it may takes moments to change, for others decades, for some maybe even a few hundred years, but that’s still nothing compared to eternity.

Based on the laws of karma, I do believe that you receive some sort of reward or punishment after you die, but I hardly think it’s eternal.

“Death is rest for the soul.  Who was it that said that?  If the body did not die, and the fears borne in the mind just continued to pile up, the world would be nothing more than an eternal prison.” ~ Ziggy, Xenosaga Episode II

The law of conservation of energy states that energy is neither created nor destroyed, only transferred.  Even a cynical empiricist who worships the scientific method must admit that if consciousness is energy, then it retains some form even after the body has died.  It might not be in exactly the same state, but it still continues to exist in one state or another.  And what does that sound like from a spiritual perspective?  Reincarnation, perhaps?

Reincarnation is simply the conservation of consciousness between one lifetime and the next.  Many religions, such as Hinduism, Buddhism, and even Christianity teach that this is what happens to you when you die.  The body decays and the carbon, water, and other components go back into the environment.  The mind goes offline and reawakens in some other body, like transferring documents from one computer to the next.  And the soul just remains as it’s always been, in the position of the observer.

The concept of reincarnation can be scientifically verified.  In fact, some people have already tried.  Maybe you’ve heard stories and news reports about young children being taken to certain places and having knowledge of those places and certain events relating to them that no one has mentioned to the child and which the child can’t possibly know otherwise, except through some sort of metaphysical transfer of information.  That would be a way of proving reincarnation to someone else, but there are other ways of proving it to yourself.

“‘How can I tell,’ said the man, ‘that the past isn’t a fiction designed to account for the discrepancy between my immediate physical sensations and my state of mind?'” ~ The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

Ever since I was young, I’d always gotten along a lot better with adults than I did people my own age.  I think a number of people can probably say they feel the same way.  Over the course of my lifetime, I’ve conversed with people much older than myself and have come to realize that there are people ten, twenty, even thirty years older than me that act like children.  I don’t really count myself particularly privileged, at least no more-so than those individuals.  So what accounts for this?

When I was in college, I took an introductory course on Psychology and learned about the various stages of development that the human mind goes through.  Among them was the concept of Generativity vs. Stagnation, more commonly known as the mid-life crisis, in which a person looks back on their life and feels that they’ve done nothing but waste time and miss opportunities.  I was only about twenty at the time, but I felt as though I’d already had several mid-life crises over the course of my lifetime.

Some months later, I began to do a great deal of soul searching and starting to become aware of the fact that this wasn’t the first time I’d been here on this planet.  All in all, I’d been here at least five or six times that I can recall (possibly even more than that), which would mean that I’m a fairly old soul.

People often ask me how I know all this, how I came to realize that I’d had past lives and that they took on the particular characteristics that I claim they did.  Well, let me put it to you like this.

I know that there is a lot of New Age emphasis on the Power of Now, as made famous by Eckhart Tolle and others, and that along with this comes the realization that there is no past or future.  But for sake of argument, let’s assume that there is a past.  Most people would think it reasonable to say there is a past.  But how do you know?  How do you know that you weren’t literally born yesterday?  How do you even know that there was a yesterday?  How do you know that, when you woke up this morning, it wasn’t the beginning of time and you simply discovered you had all these thoughts in your head from the very beginning?

When you play a video game, it’s all a programmed illusion that begins as soon as you turn the game on.  That is year zero.  Yet when you turn the game on, you are immersed into a world and a body that has history, or so it believes.  In rare cases, such as Assassin’s Creed II, you get to know the character from the time of their birth; but usually you just wake up one day to find that you are now in a situation and that you have thoughts and ideas in your head about who you are, where you are, what you do, and who your friends are.  Time began at that moment, so all the so-called past is really just an illusion.

Do you think it’s reasonable to suggest that the same could be true for us as well?  That time could just be an illusion and the past merely accounting for discrepancies between our present condition and our memories?

But let us suppose that the opposite is true.  Supposing there really is a past.  So there’s a yesterday and a last year.  Why would your birth, then, be the beginning of your consciousness?  Genetic memory and the 100th Monkey Effect can explain where behavioral instincts come from, but not memories and wisdom of things that neither you nor your ancestors experienced.  For that, you’d need reincarnation.

So how do I know that I lived a past life?  Simple.  I remember something about it, the same as I remember something that happened yesterday or last year.  How do I know it’s memory and not imagination?  Well, how does anyone know that what they experienced yesterday or last year was real and not simply made up?  You feel it in your gut that this is true and accurate and what really happened to you.  That’s how.

“Now if you’re thinking, just now, ‘Why me, oh God?’  The answer is, God has nothing to do with it.  In fact, God is never in France this time of year.” Dorleac, Count of Monte Cristo

Reincarnation is tied with karma.  What you do in the past effects your future.  Even if you get away with something in this lifetime, there are higher forces at work that will see to it that you make up for it next time.  Just like in playing a video game, if you fuck up and die, you retain the memory of what happened and that can effect future outcomes.

That’s probably also what Déjà Vu is, too.  If you feel like you’ve experienced something before, it’s probably because you have.  You just hit the restart button and decided to play over from your last checkpoint.  Like Bill Murray in Groundhog’s Day, when he keeps trying to find the right words to say to his coworker.

So if you find yourself thinking, “Why me, oh God?” the answer is, it’s always been on you.  Why does God allow bad things to happen to good people and to young children?  It’s probably to teach you a lesson for something you did in a past life.  For instance, in one of my past lives, I was a really shitty parent.  So God decided to grace me with a bad father.  Not as bad as I had been, but enough that I could understand what it was like from the receiving end.

In another past life, I was a cruel Templar master.  So God decided to set me in a time and place where the Templars ruled as the sort of cruel masters that I had been.  He set me on a path to learn about the New World Order from the perspective of one of their slaves.  If I am truly the observer and the creator of my universe, then it stands to reason that such things as The Da Vinci Code and Assassin’s Creed were also created by me as tools for my benefit.  The entire history of the world has been constructed and uploaded into my mind to serve as context while I progress through the game of life towards my objectives.  It’s only logical.

It’s a lot like Alice dreaming of the Red King, who’s dreaming of Alice, who’s dreaming of the Red King … From your perspective, I’m the illusion and the whole world is created for your benefit and lesson.  So life becomes a dream, a shared dream (like in Inception), in which we all create and grow and experience together.  And when we die, we simply wake up somewhere else, with only the memory remaining.

K is for Karma

Posted in All, Economics, Science, Spirituality with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 5, 2010 by marushiadark

“Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap.” ~ Galatians 6:7

I’ve heard a lot of people tell me that the concept of karma isn’t expressed in the Bible, but I can’t think of a more concise definition of karma that than passage right there.  What you sow is what you reap.  So simple that even a child can understand, yet profound enough to have an impact on everything we do.  It’s also one of the few fundamental laws of the universe.  There aren’t very many absolutes in life, but causality, action-reaction, is one of them.  Everything has a cause and everything has an effect.  Nothing happens by accident.  If you had full and complete knowledge of a system’s causes, you could predict all its effects.

That’s really what karma is, except that karma tends to be more focused on the behaviors of human beings.  If you do something good, you’ll eventually be rewarded.  If you do something bad, you’ll eventually be punished.  And usually, that reward or punishment will be both in accordance with what you did and several times greater in yield.  Just as a single seed, overtime, can yield many fruits, each with many seeds of the same type, so too do our actions bear fruit.

In explaining the concept of karma, I’ve always found it helpful to think of karma as a form of spiritual currency.  Many of the same rules of currency can also be applied to karma.

For instance, say you get paid and are feeling really good about it.  You go to the bank and deposit your money into a savings account.  The bank then takes that money and lends it to someone else, so the money makes its way through the system.  The bank then collects interest on loans and transfers it to your savings account in the form of interest.  Now you have more money than you put into the system.  Conversely, when you take out a loan, the idea is that you borrow someone else’s money, use it to create something of value, and then repay the full amount with a little extra as the cost of doing business.  The extra value comes from having multiplied your commercial energy through the act of creation.  If you can’t pay your debts, then your creditors will add penalties and fees because they think you’re being irresponsible and squandering the money they gave you, so you must be taught a lesson.

When you do something for another person.  You are giving some of your own energy to that person.  They then take that energy and transfer it to someone else.  That energy goes into the system we call the universe, which has theoretically unlimited energy.  Eventually, some of that energy will come back to you through the deeds of other people or from the universe itself, usually with a bit more or at exactly the right time you need something.  So going things for others is like investing your energy into the Bank of the Universe and collecting interest on it.

Conversely, when you do something for yourself, it’s like taking out a loan.  You are borrowing energy from the universe to satisfy your own needs.  Hopefully, once those needs are met, you’ll be in a better position to give back that energy and contribute to serving others.  If you don’t, but instead squander that energy and use it to hurt others or deprive them, then eventually you will have to pay for what you’ve done with extra fees attached.

That is the basic principle of karma.  What you put in, you get out.  What you take out, you must put back in.

“For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Jesus Christ our Lord.” ~ Romans 6:23

I was listening to some audio lectures by Brandon Adams on commercial law.  One of the things he talked about is how the Bible can be seen through many lenses, one of which includes a commercial lens.

For instance, it’s said that Christ’s sacrifice has redeemed us.  What does it mean to redeem something?  If you have a coupon, you go and redeem it and get stuff.  Well, the redemption is basically a certificate that says the thing is prepaid, whether in part or in full.  It’s on someone else’s tab, a gift that you just have to accept.

Originally, we lived in a paradise called Eden, which was a commercial-free zone.  Everything we wanted was free for the taking, so long as we observed the rules that God set down.  The only rules at the time were be fruitful and multiply, take care of the earth and everything on it, and don’t touch the fruit on the Tree of Knowledge.  If the rules were broken, God would demand payment in blood.

Adam and Eve broke the rules by eating from the tree.  God said that the punishment for this would be payment in blood, but as we know, Adam and Eve didn’t die.  Instead, Adam and Eve were banished from Eden, i.e. they entered a different jurisdiction of law.  They no longer had access to free stuff and were forced to labor (Gensis 3:16 for Eve and 3:17 for Adam) for things.  God revoked the privileges of Eden, but discharged the debt, off-setting it to a later date.  So Adam and Eve and their descendants could live for a while, but they still had to pay for the damages.  Originally, they offered fig leaves, but God, being the creditor, wanted payment in the form of blood sacrifice, so eventually, the two would have to die.  During the course of their lives, however, they and their descendants would have to offer up animal sacrifices.

Cain tried to offer fruits and vegetables, but that wasn’t an acceptable form of currency.  Abel, on the other hand, offered God an acceptable currency in the blood of lambs, and God favored Abel more.  So Cain slew Abel to pay his debts, but this damaged God’s property (our bodies are vessels of the soul) and so God demanded restitution.  So Cain’s fate became the same as that of Adam and Eve: banishment and labor.

Abraham offered payment to God in this form as well.  Eventually, following the Exodus, this became the standard ritual and God further contracted with mankind in the form of a covenant.  Basically, sin is a form of spiritual debt and must be repaid in blood, which is where we get such ideas as an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.  This is all balancing debts.

In Exodus 34:7, God declares that he is willing to offer mercy and forgiveness to those that have repaid their karmic debts, but that those who remain guilty, his wrath will extend to the man’s descendants.  Basically, this is the spiritual equivalent of life insurance.  If you have enough money saved up, your descendants will inherit when you die and receive a better start on life.  Likewise, if you leave the world in a better place than when you found it, future generations will reap the benefits.  Conversely, if you leave this world with a lot of debts, your family will suffer in paying your bills.  And unfortunately, we as humans have wracked up a lot of karmic debts over the course of thousands of years and the Bank of the Universe isn’t at all pleased with this.

So now we come to the time of Christ where Jesus volunteered his own life, taking on the sins (karmic debts) of the world.  He and God made a deal that Christ’s blood would replace the blood sacrifices of the Old Testament and serve as an extension of credit to the human race.  This is why Christ declares that his is the “blood of the new and everlasting covenant,” with the old covenant being “pay with the blood of animals or die.”

In dying for our sins, Christ gave us a great gift.  He settled our tab, as it were, and wiped the slate clean, balancing our karmic books and zeroing out all the accounts.  God would no longer demand blood sacrifice during the course of our lives.  The original debt had been paid.  So only new debts would affect us and it was our choice to put his gift to good use or squander it.  If we put it to good use, then we will eventually prove that we are responsible individuals worthy of returning to the commercial-free zone of Eden.  However, if we squander that gift, God will once again demand payment in blood and suffering.

One-Month Anniversary

Posted in All, Miscellaneous with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 4, 2010 by marushiadark

“It’s not about me.  It’s not about you, either.  It’s about legacy, the legacy left behind for future generations.” ~ Tony Stark

This post marks the one-month anniversary of The Darkness Files.  I have successfully completed thirty days worth of consecutive posts, and it was anything but easy.

When I started this blog, I told myself I was going to stick to doing one post per day, no more, no less.  At first, I was really excited and gung-ho and I thought I could write three or four posts per day without stopping.  Now I find it’s becoming more difficult to just do one.  On occasion, I’ve found myself squeaking one in before midnight, or publishing it to get the time stamp and then going back and editing it.  I don’t know if that’s, in the strictest sense of the words, integral or ethical or honest, but I do like symmetry and I could think of no better way for me to make sure I had, indeed, done a full set of thirty.

Part of the reason it’s been so difficult for me to come up with material is that I don’t yet have much of an audience to provide me with feedback and encouragement.  Part of it’s also because my intentions for this blog have changed considerably since when I first started it.

At first, I wanted to use this blog as a way of educating the world about the New World Order, beginning from the ground up.  But there are a lot of great speakers and researchers who have done a far better job of that than I ever could, and I felt as though all I’d really be doing is pointing to them and saying, “Hey, here’s some information, go and look at that,” without being able to provide much of my own opinion on the matter.

I wondered if maybe this blog could perhaps serve as a central hub for that sort of information, drawing insight and wisdom from a great many disparate sources; but those sights exist too, and are far older, more widespread, and better researched than mine, and have much larger followings to boot.

As for myself, I hope to leave behind a legacy someday that will change the world for the better, but I don’t feel as though my life is interesting enough that I could blog about such things on a daily basis.

But maybe I’m wrong.  Maybe there are some of you reading this who enjoy what I have to write about.  I don’t know.  It’s just that, a lot of the experiences I have that people might think are interesting just seem like ordinary occurrences to me now.

I don’t consider myself to be a very imaginative or creative writer.  I just write about what I know and these are the things that I know and have experienced.  I hope that’s enough and that someone finds it worth their time to read, and that it may one day help them in a way that no one else could have.

There’s still a lot of stuff left to cover.  Halloween is fast approaching, as are a bunch of other holidays.  I have some more symbols to go over, as well as some more conspiracies.  And I also have a few little annecdotes that I want to share, which I feel are rather appropriate for this time of year.

So all that’s coming up.  I hope you enjoy it and are able to take away something from it.  Thanks for reading.

Venenum Veritas

Posted in All, Miscellaneous, Psychology with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 30, 2010 by marushiadark

“Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows.” ~ David Wolf, astronaut

There’s an old saying that I’ve often taken as my own personal motto.  It goes, “Expect the worst, hope for the best.”  I’ve always felt it to be very pragmatic because if the worst ever happens, you’ll be prepared for it and not caught off-guard.  Conversely, if anything other than the worst case scenario happens, you will be pleasantly surprised.  So it would seem that, by following such a logical strategy as that, you would be very well off, no?

Lately, I’m no longer so sure.

I’ve always been a very analytically-minded person.  And while it’s often good to have a back-up plan just in case things go wrong, such has left me carrying a lot of worry around, most of it needless. As the Dalai Lama says, “If a problem can be solved, there is no use worrying about it.  If it can’t be solved, worrying will do no good.”

Cynicism has also made me a very untrusting person.  Some people have told me that’s a good thing, since few are exactly who they claim to be and few are worthy of trust.  Others have said that, in continuing to think along those lines, I will continue to create only what’s on my mind, and what’s on my mind is often cynicism; so my world will seek to placate those thoughts.

I know where it comes from.  It comes from being a student of the truth and always wishing to know that which is true and correct, but at the same time having been lied to and deceived so many times in my life.  Not all of it was intentional, a lot of it was reaction to mental aberrations (actually, all lying is the result of mental aberrations), and a lot of it also comes from my own failings – my own pains and misunderstandings.  If nothing else, it’s very paradoxical.  At times, it is a great burden to carry the truth, especially when others aren’t there to help support you.

Sometimes, I find myself wishing I could go back to that naive little child where everything was perfect and I was always happy.  Yet there are other times where I feel like I wouldn’t trade who I am now for a hundred years of happiness if it meant giving up the truth, because I know I am much freer now and in greater control of the world around me, which in itself brings happiness sometimes.

The truth is a powerfully addictive drug.  The more you learn, the more you can’t help but continue learning.  The more you know, the more you become aware of just how little you actually know in comparison to the sum of all things that can be known; and this newly discovered level of ignorance just spurs the desire to learn that much more.

Many addicts will tell you that, initially, their drug of choice induces a natural high.  But after a while, it becomes customary and routine, so the person falls out of that euphoria into a deep trench and needs a greater dose to reach the same feeling of high as before.  This, of course, creates an escalation in which the highs get higher and the lows get lower.  The sine wave of ups and downs begins to grow in amplitude, but to what extent?  Are we to simply not learn anything at all and be content in our ignorance or is it worth the pains to climb the mountain of knowledge?  Is it worth it to build wings of wax and fly towards the sun, even with the full knowledge that our efforts were in vain from the very beginning and that we’re destined to plummet back into the sea?

Do we simply build better wings?  The better our wings, the higher we soar, but the farther we also have to plummet back down.  Is such a thing worth it?  I think that’s a choice that every man or woman must come to terms with at some point in their lives.  Personally, I like flying, so I’d rather learn to fly than be stuck in the ground.  Being stuck isn’t any fun at all.

Without that feeling of high, you might as well just be a robot and live forever.  I think that idealism is the high and cynicism the low when it comes to knowing things.

One time, I got a fortune cookie fortune that simply said “Don’t give into cynicism.”  What if Kennedy had given into cynicism?  We might not have gone into space and the world would be a totally different place than it is today.  Maybe if we learn enough, and if our wings are constructed well enough, we ourselves will reach into outer space where gravity effects us less, and from there we’ll have laid the foundation for soaring toward the stars, metaphorically speaking.