Archive for Aberration

Venenum Veritas

Posted in All, Miscellaneous, Psychology with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 30, 2010 by marushiadark

“Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows.” ~ David Wolf, astronaut

There’s an old saying that I’ve often taken as my own personal motto.  It goes, “Expect the worst, hope for the best.”  I’ve always felt it to be very pragmatic because if the worst ever happens, you’ll be prepared for it and not caught off-guard.  Conversely, if anything other than the worst case scenario happens, you will be pleasantly surprised.  So it would seem that, by following such a logical strategy as that, you would be very well off, no?

Lately, I’m no longer so sure.

I’ve always been a very analytically-minded person.  And while it’s often good to have a back-up plan just in case things go wrong, such has left me carrying a lot of worry around, most of it needless. As the Dalai Lama says, “If a problem can be solved, there is no use worrying about it.  If it can’t be solved, worrying will do no good.”

Cynicism has also made me a very untrusting person.  Some people have told me that’s a good thing, since few are exactly who they claim to be and few are worthy of trust.  Others have said that, in continuing to think along those lines, I will continue to create only what’s on my mind, and what’s on my mind is often cynicism; so my world will seek to placate those thoughts.

I know where it comes from.  It comes from being a student of the truth and always wishing to know that which is true and correct, but at the same time having been lied to and deceived so many times in my life.  Not all of it was intentional, a lot of it was reaction to mental aberrations (actually, all lying is the result of mental aberrations), and a lot of it also comes from my own failings – my own pains and misunderstandings.  If nothing else, it’s very paradoxical.  At times, it is a great burden to carry the truth, especially when others aren’t there to help support you.

Sometimes, I find myself wishing I could go back to that naive little child where everything was perfect and I was always happy.  Yet there are other times where I feel like I wouldn’t trade who I am now for a hundred years of happiness if it meant giving up the truth, because I know I am much freer now and in greater control of the world around me, which in itself brings happiness sometimes.

The truth is a powerfully addictive drug.  The more you learn, the more you can’t help but continue learning.  The more you know, the more you become aware of just how little you actually know in comparison to the sum of all things that can be known; and this newly discovered level of ignorance just spurs the desire to learn that much more.

Many addicts will tell you that, initially, their drug of choice induces a natural high.  But after a while, it becomes customary and routine, so the person falls out of that euphoria into a deep trench and needs a greater dose to reach the same feeling of high as before.  This, of course, creates an escalation in which the highs get higher and the lows get lower.  The sine wave of ups and downs begins to grow in amplitude, but to what extent?  Are we to simply not learn anything at all and be content in our ignorance or is it worth the pains to climb the mountain of knowledge?  Is it worth it to build wings of wax and fly towards the sun, even with the full knowledge that our efforts were in vain from the very beginning and that we’re destined to plummet back into the sea?

Do we simply build better wings?  The better our wings, the higher we soar, but the farther we also have to plummet back down.  Is such a thing worth it?  I think that’s a choice that every man or woman must come to terms with at some point in their lives.  Personally, I like flying, so I’d rather learn to fly than be stuck in the ground.  Being stuck isn’t any fun at all.

Without that feeling of high, you might as well just be a robot and live forever.  I think that idealism is the high and cynicism the low when it comes to knowing things.

One time, I got a fortune cookie fortune that simply said “Don’t give into cynicism.”  What if Kennedy had given into cynicism?  We might not have gone into space and the world would be a totally different place than it is today.  Maybe if we learn enough, and if our wings are constructed well enough, we ourselves will reach into outer space where gravity effects us less, and from there we’ll have laid the foundation for soaring toward the stars, metaphorically speaking.

H is for Healing

Posted in All, Health, Psychology, Science, Spirituality with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 16, 2010 by marushiadark

“Every human being is the author of his own health or disease.” ~ Buddha

The Japanese toast “kanpai” is a wish for health and wealth, with the understanding that health is more important and thus comes before wealth.  Money comes and money goes, but without your health, you haven’t got anything.

Many people do not take charge of their own health, but instead leave to men and women called doctors, most of whom are only trained in the treatment of symptoms with patented drugs and surgical procedures.  Most of them are on a payroll getting kickbacks from pharmaceutical companies and insurance companies when they should be interesting in curing disease and restoring optimum health to their patients.

Do not misunderstand me.  There are great doctors out there that do know what they’re doing, who are interested in genuinely helping people for reasons other than money (the real-life Gregory Houses and Hank R. Lawsons) that have not allowed themselves to be corrupted by the business of medicine.  Those are the sorts of doctors I would defer to if I needed help.  And were I or someone I knew in a serious medical emergency or accident, I would probably go to a hospital in lieu of any other option.  But for the vast majority of illnesses, it takes a long time (sometimes years) to develop these problems and the majority of them are preventable and/or psychosomatic (i.e. all in your head).

So why are we leaving our bodies in the hands of drug dealers and butchers?  All a doctor is going to do is ask you questions about your body and then make an assessment based on the information and patterns he has stored in his head.  He can’t possibly know your body better than you can because only you can know what you are feeling.  And the information that he learned is information that you can learn as well.  So why are you there listening to him?

“A lot of people say they want to get out of pain, and I’m sure that’s true, but they aren’t willing to make healing a high priority.  They aren’t willing to look inside to see the source of their pain in order to deal with it.” ~ Lindsay Wagner

I’ve often said that the best way to think of your body is to think of a car and treat your body in a comparable way to how you would treat your motorized vehicle.  If a car doesn’t work, it’s a technical problem and there are only so many things that it can be.  To fix the car, you simply find the root cause of the problem, address it, and viola! the car will run as well as it did before … unless there’s something else that’s wrong, in which case you just step and repeat until it’s working again.

The human body is no different.  Find the cause and you find the cure.  But the body is also a self-correcting machine, unlike a car, because it’s alive and a system of living organisms; and if you respect it as such and treat it well, it’ll serve you well.  Any medicine you give it is only as good as its ability to help the body regulate itself in getting back to homeostasis.

In my article on organic food, I stressed the importance of not putting crap into your body and in getting the right nutrients, vitamins, minerals, water, and energy you need to keep your body running.  If we did just that, and nothing else, about half of the diseases in the world would be eliminated.

The children in Africa are sick primarily because their country is our waste dump and they have no food and water.  Find the cause and you will find the cure.  It’s as simple as that.

“Healthy people are those who live in healthy homes on a healthy diet in an environment equally fit for birth, growth, work, healing, and dying … Healthy people need no bureaucratic interference to mate, give birth, share the human condition, and die.” ~ Ivan Illich, philosopher

So what about drugs and surgery?  Is there any place for them?  The answer is yes, but their role is auxiliary, best used in emergencies and accidents and such.  They’re more like a Plan Z than a Plan A.

As I said before, the human body is a self-correcting machine.  Every part has a purpose and so the removal and replacement of such parts should be reserved as a last resort.  Things like heart disease and kidney disease are preventable and the human body will suffer without them.  If taken care of properly, transplants shouldn’t even become an issue.

Sometimes an organ is defective from birth, like a car that was built badly or the steel used in the Titanic.  We can’t sue God for the damages, but we can correct the mistake (and, by the way, it’s only a mistake or a defect if it inhibits the person’s ability to function).

And what about drugs?  There’s a simple metric for that as well.  What is the cause of your problem?  If your problem isn’t caused by a lack of drugs, then taking prescription and non-prescription drugs will not make you better.  Do you have an aspirin deficiency?  If not, then aspirin is not the solution.  While it may relieve the pain, it isn’t really fixing the underlying problem, which is caused by something else.  No amount of medication will fix your carpel tunnel if you continue to rest your wrists on the sharp corners of your laptop.  No amount of pain killers will correct your poor posture and alleviate the pressure of your vertebrae on your lower back nerves.  If you haven’t had anything to eat or drink all day, then how can ibuprofen or acetaminophen possibly stop your headaches?  And if your life is causing you stress, why would anti-depressants be a better option than a cup of hot tea and a vacation?

Then, on top of not fixing these problems, the over-abundance of such toxins in your body can wreak havoc on your systems and lead to other potentially lethal side effects.  Who in their right mind would volunteer themselves for all of that?  Someone not in their right mind, that’s who.  A little may not hurt, but a lot will most certainly kill you, and there are people ingesting and injecting themselves with drugs on a virtually daily basis.  Maybe we’re simply fighting the wrong enemies in the drug wars, because we’ve certainly become a nation of medicinal junkies.

The body is a machine and its problems are technical.  Find the cause and you find the cure.  You can do this yourself with a little bit of knowledge and experience.  And the usage of drugs and surgery should be limited to only medical emergencies.

“Man thought he had a human spirit.  That is totally  incorrect.  Man is a human spirit, which is enwrapped more or less in a mind, which is in a body.” ~ L Ron Hubabrd

Man is a spirit in a mind in a body, like a Russian nesting doll, setting one inside the other (and then at times we have our body in something else and this continues).  The spirit directs the mind and then the mind directs the body and then the body in turn acts upon the world around us and interacts with it.  But because the mind controls the body, the health of the mind means the health of the body and so it’s not enough to simply figure out the machine.  Even the best working car can’t make up for driver error and so we must learn what causes damage to our psyche as well and then work to correct that.

The brain is an organ, a physical machine.  It runs on electricity and, at least according to one theory, is the recipient of all electrical signals from the cells.  It is the central office, the capital of the nation that is you.  Direct all complaints here, it says, and we will take care of you.  Along with that information comes all the pain felt by the body and the brain sends this information to the mind, which is the president and the emperor, who determines what course of action must then be taken.  Depending on the condition of the mind, it may make rational decisions or it may be affected by mental aberrations (bad advisers) and be in the habit of making poor or irrational decisions that affect the overall health of the body at large.  To make the best decisions possible, we must weed out the aberrations of fear and guilt and shame and pain and grief and doubt and so forth until only love and logic remain.  Then and only then will be truly be able to heal.

All this obviously represents a huge financial loss to the companies that make products tailored to those diseases.  There is nothing wrong with companies making a profit off their contributions to society, but when they are willing to do whatever it takes to keep in business, we have to draw the line somewhere.  It’s us or them and I’d rather be on the side that wins that battle.

D is for Darkness

Posted in All, Media, Psychology with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 13, 2010 by marushiadark

“I like rabbits and all.  They’re cute and they’re horny.  And if you’re cute and you’re horny, then you’re probably happy, in that you don’t know who you are and why you’re even alive.” ~ Donnie Darko

I was watching the movie Donnie Darko earlier today.  It’s an incredibly fucked-up psychological fantasy and I think that may be what makes it one of my favorite movies of all time … that and the fact that I was once not all that dissimilar from Donnie, myself.  The director, Richard Kelly, says he welcomes any and all viewer interpretations as valid and mine is that the movie is a commentary on the way in which a few of us try desperately to escape our conditioned realities.

Donnie Darko is an extremely intelligent and eloquent young high school student who just doesn’t fit in with the world around him.  His principal remarks at one point that his test scores are intimidating, and Donnie constantly challenges those around him to stop buying into the pre-programmed beliefs they’ve been spoon-fed.  But when he tries to break free, the universe pushes back and provides him with nothing but resistance and sorrow and pain.

I think all of us must face this sort of ordeal in life where we question our own existence and come face to face with death and pain and God and the thought of being alone in a cold, dead, and empty nihilistic universe.  For those of us that are more aware, we usually face these issues sooner, rather than later, often around the age that Donnie Darko was in the movie.  For those that are strong enough, we learn to move on and find answers and meaning behind it all.  Like with any test, those that can’t hack it are doomed to repeat their lessons until they ultimately learn them.

So what is it we can learn from Donnie Darko?

“And did you stop and think that maybe infants need darkness?  That maybe darkness is part of their natural environment?” ~ Prof. Kenneth Monnitoff

Perhaps the first thing that Donnie Darko teaches us is that it’s ok to be different (but not easy) and that it’s perfectly normal (but not common) to be going through all of this crap and that life is too boring if you just sit around looking pleasant all the time like Kitty Farmer or Jim Cuttingham.

Darkness teaches us to appreciate the presence of light.  Chaos teaches us to appreciate order.  You can’t have one without the other, since darkness is the absence of light and chaos is the absence of order.  For life to be in dynamic equilibrium, there has to be some of both.  Too much light or too much darkness and you will not be able to see clearly.  Too much light or too much darkness and you’ll eventually go blind.

I remember walking around my school one time when I realized that peace is actually quite boring sometimes and that we never really notice things like peace and love and health until we stop having them; but once we’re sick or in the middle of a war zone or alone, we only want for it to end and for us to return to that healthy and peaceful and loving time.

“There are other things that need to be taken into account here.  Like the whole spectrum of human emotions.  You can’t just lump everything into these two categories and then just deny everything else!” ~ Donnie Darko

Donnie is obviously very aware of reality and that life is a lot more complex than the so-called authorities would have him believe.  Those in positions of power over him live in a fantasy world and use threats and drugs and mind-control techniques when he refuses to conform to their reality.

At one point, Kitty Farmer threatens him, saying that if he won’t put a clearly subjective issue into a black or white category, then he will receive a zero for the day.  Of course, Donnie knows better.  He knows that a failing grade is a meaningless symbol that has no real-world application to anything.  So he tells Kitty that she can shove the whole program up her ass.  This lands him into detention and a parent-teacher meeting is called.  It’s clear from the way in which the principal deals with the situation that he’s little more qualified than Kitty Farmer is – a fact that is further displayed when he fires the only open-minded teacher at the school.

“You’re right, actually …  I’m pretty toubled and I’m pretty confused … but I think you’re the fucking Antichrist.” ~ Donnie Darko

The human mind goes through many different levels of consciousness, ranging from that of a primitive animal all the way up to … well, there’s theoretically no limit to that.

Religion and superstition are just one level along the way.  Religion can be a good thing when it prevents people from causing harm to themselves and to one another and when it gets them to follow a degree of order in their lives.  But those rules are meant more to keep people in line than to reveal to them the truth, and this is when religion can become a problem, as there are many who will kill others because they don’t understand the true purpose of what is written in their religious codices.

“I have reached the end of your book and … there are so many things that I need to ask you.  Sometimes I’m afraid of what you might tell me.  Sometimes I’m afraid that you’ll tell me this is not a work of fiction.” ~ Donnie Darko

Science portends to be all about truth, but it often ignores the equally important vessel of understanding: philosophy.

Donnie Darko’s science teacher, Kenneth Monnitoff, opens up to him initially in explaining to him about time travel and wormholes.  For a while, Donnie is very interested and grateful to his teacher for that guidance.  He takes that knowledge and uses it to advance his understanding of what’s going on; but he becomes frustrated upon returning to his professor again after he’s taken The Philosophy of Time Travel (which Monnitoff gave him) and used it to discover some very esoteric things.  Monnitoff tells him that he can’t continue helping Donnie or he would risk losing his job.  So now Donnie is once again all alone.

I can recall having similar conversations with my own science teachers.  When I started talking about multiple dimensions or the application of negative mass in regards to flying saucers, I got strange and worried looks as though they believed I ought to be in a mental institute.  But was that necessarily the case or did they just not have the imagination or evidence I had?

“I don’t think that you have a clue what it’s like to communicate with these kids.  We are losing them to apathy … to this prescribed nonsense.  They are slipping away.” ~ Karen Pommeroy

Clearly, none of Donnie’s teachers, except for Karen Pommeroy, is even remotely capable of understanding the pain and the trauma that Donnie has gone through.  They aren’t equipped with the awareness and experience necessary to understand that a schizophrenic mind will not conform to social norms.  Whatever Donnie is going through, whether it’s real or imagined, he most certainly believes it to be real and is willing to act upon those beliefs.

For those of you who have never experienced it before, such things as manic-depression, multiple personality disorder, and paranoid schizophrenia arise when the mind is given something that it cannot resolve easily.  It may be a paradox that can’t be logically resolved or a painful experience that the person would rather deny or something that is simply so foreign to everything that the person has come to believe up to that point about reality.  Either way, it’s something so powerful that the mind is incapable of handling it without shutting down, so it partitions itself the way one would partition a hard drive.  This partition is kept separate along with all the related data on the matter until a safe and acceptable resolution can be had.  Medication may curtail the resultant behavior and make the person function within society, but ultimately the only real solution is for the individual to find a way to reunite the two parts of their mind again.

“I hope that when the world comes to an end, I can breath a sigh of relief, because there will be so much to look forward to.” ~ Donnie Darko

Donnie’s principle fear is dying alone.  He tells Dr. Thurman that it’s foolish to believe in God if everyone dies alone.  His therapist explains that he is actually an agnostic, not an atheist, since he acknowledges the possibility of God, even if he’s not sure if there’s proof.

We often talk of God’s plan and divine intervention.  In fact, most of the events in Donnie’s life all happen for a reason.  “Deus Ex Machina,” he cries.  For a more thorough explanation of how any why, see this document.  It’s possible that the events of 2012 may be a similar deal with a Tangent Universe being created that could threaten to destroy the world.  It’s also very reminiscent of some of the themes in Inception and Deja Vu.

At the time of my writing this article, I haven’t seen the sequel to it: S. Darko, but I really would love to.  Maybe I’ll even do a post on that one as well.

In the meantime, I hope that anyone who suffers from a life like the one that Donnie Darko had will be able to make it through alright and come to see it, as I have, as nothing more than a rite of passage into an elect group of aware and free  human beings.

As Gretchin says, being weird is meant as a compliment.